Amazing numbers on T9
Use your mobile*Go 2 NEW TEXT message option and activate (T9) - Dictionary and then hide Ur screen with Ur hand and type
277451366514612382623
And see what appears!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: joke
SardaRs R KCAB!!
Sardar declares:.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. .. . . .
================================
SARDAR talking on cell.
2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.
1ST: biwi se.....
2ND: itne... pyar se....?
1ST: tumhari hai. . .
=================================
A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
================================
sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.
=================================
teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
================================
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi
gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
=================================
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
=================================
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.
=================================
Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital
ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........
Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein"Delivery Free" hai.
=================================
A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab?o
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
===================================
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
==================================
Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
==================================
American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
=================================
Sardar orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
=================================================
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
=================================================
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
=================================
Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
When a person asked what he was doing?
He replied, Oye! higher studies yaar.
=================================
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1 Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1 Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
=================================
A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
this is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& She is my kidney.
=================================
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.
If you haven't had a good dosage of Heroes yet..
This one is a spoof...This one is MV for Mad World song.
This one is MV for Slightly Mad
And a new show called HUH! hahaha
Labels: Heroes, music video, video
Appraisal time!
A man was sleeping in his house when suddenly Yamraj appeared and said -"Go out & enjoy! Nothing will happen to you for the next 10 years!!"
He did so & met with an accident...and died.
When he met Yamraj again, this time in heaven, he asked -
"Why did you lie to me?"
Yamraj replied - "Sorry, son. Apraisal time! I had to achieve targets!!"
Labels: joke
Love thy boss lah!
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead."I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
He replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
Labels: joke
Are you an engineer?
Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said: "Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period."Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only.
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:
Doctor: OK. Tell me.
Man: I sleep vigilantly like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse, I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a rabbit before my wife
Doctor: are you an Engineer?
Man: Yes
Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the begining itself that you are are an engineer . Come man, no one can treat you better than me. __._,_.___
Labels: joke
From Banta to Bill with love
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to Internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?
Best regards,
Banta Singh
Labels: joke
cost of getting married
A little boy asked his father,"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
Labels: joke
Matrimonial ads : Bloopers
Take a break......This is Ultimate....... I bet u can't stop laughing. These are profiles
taken from shaadi.com these are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar
and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything
is straight from the heart . Comments in Blue fonts .
Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this mail.. .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If
any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u
welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident
or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
(Truly yours)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
What Homework???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.
I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i
love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on
........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
i am simple girl. I have lot of problem in my life because of my
luck. now i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but
while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone
groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he
would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn't know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I
love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of 'ok'. The person is
Suffering from 'Ok-syndrome')
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father &
Mother.. sister completely married
(somebody please explain how to get married completely'?)
( Confused ????? )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
Height of desperation!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanandevi. i do own businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
(Plz for gods sake ask somebody's help in framing sentence )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the
good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other
caste accepted ....
(but credit cards not accepted...???)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit's??????? Is there
anything like that.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social
service.
Zebra..???)
(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color
Labels: fun, shaadi.com
Global Incident Map
This is very interesting! When you click on this link, a world map comes up showing what strange and dangerous things are happening right now in every country in the entire world. It is updated every five minutes. You can move the maparound, zero in on any one area and actually up-load the story of what is going on.
Labels: global incident map
announcing 2 superhit albums!
Yes, I am predicting ;-) that the following two albums will be super duper hit!Mariah Carey's - E=MC²
To hit the stores on 15 April!
&
Madonna's - Hard Candy
To hit the stores on 29 March!
Labels: madonna, mariah carey, Music
If you wanna browse and have a nice cup of coffee
Click here - Dark Roasted Blend - and enjoy your coffeeIn the Line of fire!
Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man. Even the plush comfort of the air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express could not cool his
frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to
air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason
with the admin person, it was the savings in time. As PM, he had so
many things to do. He opened his case and took out the laptop,
determined to put the time to some good use.
"Are you from the software industry sir," the man beside him was
staring appreciatively at the laptop.
Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop
now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive
car.
"You people have brought so much advancement to the country sir.
Today everything is getting computerized."
"Thanks," smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look.
He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was
young and stocky like a sportsman. He looked simple and strangely out
of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep
school. He probably was a railway sportsman making the most of his
free traveling pass.
"You people always amaze me," the man continued, "You sit in an
office and write something on a computer and it does so many big
things outside."
Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naivety demanded reasoning not anger. "It
is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of
writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it."
For a moment, he was tempted to explain the entire Software
Development Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single
statement. "It is complex, very complex."
"It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid," came the
reply.
This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence
came into his so far affable, persuasive tone.
"Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we
have to put in.Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just
because we sit in an air-conditioned office does not mean our brows
do not sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and
believe me that is no less taxing."
He had the man where he wanted him and it was time to drive home the
point.
"Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway
reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket
between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized
booking centres across the country. Thousands of transactions
accessing a single database, at a time concurrency; data integrity,
locking, data security. Do you understand
the complexity in designing and coding such a system?"
The man was stuck with amazement, like a child at a planetarium. This
was something big and beyond his imagination. "You design and code
such things."
"I used to," Vivek paused for effect, "But now I am the Project
Manager,"
"Oh!" sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, "so your life
is easy now."
It was like being told the fire was better than the frying pan. The
man had to be given a feel of the heat.
"Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder.
Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the
easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and
believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work
done in time and with the highest quality. To tell you about the
pressures, there is the customer
at one end always changing his requirements, the user wanting
something else and your boss always expecting you to have finished it
yesterday."
Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with self-
realisation. What he had said, was not merely the outburst of a
wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while
defending the truth. "My friend," he concluded triumphantly, "you
don't know what it is to be in the line of fire."
The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization.
When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that
surprised Vivek.
"I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire," He was
staring blankly as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast
expanse of time.
"There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in
the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was
no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom.
In the morning when we finally hoisted the tricolour at the top only
4 of us were alive."
"You are a..."
"I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in
Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a land
assignment. But tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it
makes life easier. On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues
lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding
behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to
safety."
"But my captain refused me permission and went ahead himself. He said
that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put
the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety
and welfare of the men he commanded."
"His own personal safety came last, always and every time. He was
killed as he shielded that soldier into the bunker. Every morning
now, as I stand guard I can see him taking all those bullets, which
were actually meant for me. I know sir, I know what it is to be in
the line of fire."
Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of his reply. Abruptly he
switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a
word document in the presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a
daily part of life; a valour and sense of duty which he had so far
attributed only to epical heroes.
The train slowed down as it pulled into the station and Subedar
Sushant picked up his bags to alight.
"It was nice meeting you sir."
Vivek fumbled with the handshake. This hand had climbed mountains,
pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tricolour. Suddenly as if by
impulse,he stood at attention and his right hand went up in an
impromptu salute. It was the least he felt he could do for the
country.
PS: The incident he narrates during the capture of Peak 4875 is a
true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Batra sacrificed his
life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was
within sight. For this and his various other acts of bravery he was
awarded the Param Vir Chakra the nation's highest military award.
Live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn!
Winners are too busy to be sad, too positive to be doubtful, too
optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated!
Labels: email
The most stupid ad ever!
Ok. You will pull down the Ritz. Ok. You will build a mall there. Not Ok. You will deface a beautiful building with a stupid ad...at least the model could have been a better one?
Labels: calvin klein, hong kong, ritz carlton
Funny sites, eh?
Here are some of them :-)The Death Clock reminds you how many seconds you have left...hahaha
Order a Fly Power Plane...to keep you busy...hahaha
7 most weirdest websites in the world!!
Give away your unwanted stuff for free...try this free service...
The Rosetta Project - Putting a library on a tiny disc...
Draw a pig and get your personality traits thrown at your face...
Labels: fun
Keep in touch with those who care for you...
Celebration means...Four friends. raining outside. Four glasses of Tea.
Celebration means...
Hundred bucks of petrol. A rusty old bike. And an open road.
Celebration means...
A hostel Tea. A hostel room. 12 a.m.
Celebration means...
3 old friends. 3 separate cities. 3 coffee mugs. 1 internet messenger.
Celebration means...
Rain on a hot tin roof. Pakodas deep-frying. Neighbours dropping in. A party.
Celebration means...
You and mom. A summer night. A bottle of coconut oil. A head massage.
You can spend
Hundreds on birthdays,
Thousands on festivals,
Hundreds of Thousands on weddings,
But to celebrate
All you have to do is spend your Time with your loved ones.
Labels: feelings
Peanuts
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus loadOf seniors down a highway
When he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,
Which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
Again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again
He asks the little old lady,
" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks,
"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied," We just love the chocolate around them."
Labels: joke
What's a Mistake?
If a barber makes a mistake,It's a New Style
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a New Path
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a New Venture
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a New Generation
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a New Law
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a New Invention
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a New Fashion
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a New Theory
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a Mistake Only
Labels: joke
Giving up Wine
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of pounds for some food. I got out my purse and took a ten pound note out and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of food?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me..
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this in a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS !' replied the homeless woman. ' I
haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my
husband and me tonight.'
The homeless woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and drinking wine.'
Labels: joke
Have you ever wondered about this before?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Are there reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Do you cry under water?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ??
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me !!!!)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . .. . . . . . ..
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Labels: joke
This is how business is done!!
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his sonLaloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case......Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani! : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
The Sardars strike back!!
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
Sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool.
I have pass.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it all right.
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
Engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
Doctor Sardar to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...
Drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to U.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist:
Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
We are the World
diǎnyī zhǎn dēng bǎ wēnnuǎn chuán gěi měigerén
zhè tǔdì yǒu nǐ cáinéng gòu jiào wǒmen
wǒmen xīn dōu shànliáng bùrěn xīn shuí shòushāng
shēnchū shǒu bù qiú huíbào dōu kuàilè
dǎkāi xīn mén gěiyǔ zhēn ài hé xīnténg
guānyú ài cái huì yōngyǒu dé gèng wánzhěng
xiāngxìn yǒu gǔ jiānqiáng tā láizì xīn shēnchù
shì bàba māma gěi wǒmen zuìhǎo de lǐwù
We Are The World We are the children
nǐ shì wǒde xiōngdì hé zǐmèi shì ài de shìjiè
shēngmìng xiàng huā hé húdié xiānghù yīwēi cái huì měi
zhēnxī shēnbiān nǐ suǒ ài de just you and me
bǎshǒu chǎngkāi ràng xūyào ài de dōu jìnlái
qiān zhūshǒu bùhuì gūdān yìqǐ zǒu
zhè fèn ài shì yǒnghéng tā láizì xīn shēnchù
shì bàba māma gěi wǒmen zuìhǎo de lǐwù
We Are The World We are the children
nǐ shì wǒde xiōngdì hé zǐmèi shì ài de shìjiè
shēngmìng xiàng huā hé húdié xiānghù yīwēi cái huì měi
zhēnxī shēnbiān nǐ suǒ ài de just you and me
bùyào xiǎo kàn zìjǐ miǎoxiǎo de lìliang
nǐ de shuāngshǒu kěyǐ zhěngjiù wúshù de xīwàng
rénshēng chōngmǎn wúnài yǒnggǎn miànduì zháo wèilái
bùyào pà zhèlǐ yǒu wǒ yǒu nǐ háiyǒu ài
We Are The World We are the children
nǐ shì wǒde xiōngdì hé zǐmèi shì ài de shìjiè
shēngmìng xiàng huā hé húdié xiānghù yīwēi cái huì měi
zhēnxī shēnbiān nǐ suǒ ài de just you and me
Labels: karaoke, music video, We are the world
You are the song in my heart
詞:丁曉雯 曲:王力宏
女聲:Selina 男聲:王力宏
你是我心內的一首歌 心間開起花一朵
你是我生命的一首歌 想念匯成一條河
惦在我心內的一首歌 不要只是個過客
在我生命留下一首歌(一首歌) 不論結局會如何
好想問你 到底對我有沒有動心
沉默太久
只會讓我不小心 犯錯
惦在我心內的一首歌(恩...) 不要只是個過客
在我生命留下一首歌 不論結局會如何
In Pinyin
nǐ shì wǒ xīn nèi de yī shǒu gē xīn jiān kāi qǐ huā yī duǒ
nǐ shì wǒ shēngmìng de yī shǒu gē xiǎngniàn huì chéng yī tiáo hé
diàn zài wǒ xīn nèi de yī shǒu gē bùyào zhǐshì gè guò kè
zài wǒ shēngmìng liúxià yī shǒu gē (yī shǒu gē ) bùlùn jiéjú huì rúhé
hǎo xiǎng wèn nǐ dàodǐ duì wǒ yǒu méiyǒu dòng xīn
chénmò tài jiǔ
zhǐ huì ràng wǒ bùxiǎoxīn fàncuò
diàn zài wǒ xīn nèi de yī shǒu gē (ēn ...) bùyào zhǐshì gè guò kè
zài wǒ shēngmìng liúxià yī shǒu gē bùlùn jiéjú huì rúhé
Labels: karaoke, music video, selina, wang lee hom, 你是我心內的一首歌
Be specific!
A Man to GodMan:"Give me a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls"
God replies:"Granted"
and made him a bus conductor of a ladies' special bus!
moral: be specific........
Labels: joke
LifeGem®. Forever.
Like the memory of a loved one, a diamond lasts forever.
What is a LifeGem®?
The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the
carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life, or as a symbol of your personal and precious bond with another.
LifeGem diamonds are molecularly identical to natural diamonds found at any high-end jeweler. To qualify as diamonds, they must have the exact same brilliance, fire, and hardness (the hardest substance known) as diamonds from the earth, and of course, they do!
How does one feel after they have lost a LifeGem?!!
Labels: LifeGem
David Gallo: Underwater astonishments
David Gallo shows jaw-dropping footage of amazing sea creatures, including a shape-shifting cuttlefish, a pair of fighting squid, and a mesmerizing gallery of bioluminescent fish that light up the blackest depths of the ocean. He focuses on the work of two scientists: Edith Widder at the Ocean Research & Conservation Association, and Roger Hanlon at the Marine Biological Lab.Labels: David Gallo, TED
Jeff Han: Unveiling the genius of multi-touch interface design
After years of research on touch-driven computer displays, Jeff Han has created a simple, multi-touch, multi-user screen interface that just might herald the end of the point-and-click era.Labels: Jeff Han, multi-touch, TED
Wife from HELL
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.' The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on ... you never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
I love this part....
'Only when he's been drinking.'
Labels: joke
Would you have made the same choice?
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.Where is the natural order of things in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."
Then he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."
Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman' s head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.
"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
Labels: Shay Day
Now for the Ultimate Police Car in the World !!!
German police car...Lamborgini..gallardo..max speed 320km/hr
Japanese...lancer Evo IX..max speed 280km/hr
French ...peageut...sports gt..max speed 280km/hr
Spanish...audi TT max speed 280km/hr
English...porsche ......Do I have to tell the speed?
India's Mahindra Jeep !!!
Max Speed not disclosed due to Security Reasons ...Muhahahaha
Labels: joke, police cars
What Love means to a 4-8 year old
Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined See what you think:
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'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8
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'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different..
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4
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'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5
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'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6
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'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4
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'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7
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'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8
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'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
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'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
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'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7
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'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6
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'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8
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'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6
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'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5
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'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7
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'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4
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'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4
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'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you' (what an image)
Karen - age 7
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'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8
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And the final one
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'
Labels: love
Region Free Wii!! No hardware tweaks!!
This is just a software CD. Run it to make your Wii - Region Free! No Hardware Tweaks!!
One catch for those you fall for this - the subsequent Wii software upgrade may wipe it out. Hahahaha!
Labels: region free, Wii
