The 36 Sambars of Shalini?
How to recognize most Indians? Wicked, this one is!1. Everything you eat is savoured in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are Always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.
6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)
8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere closeto their real names.
9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed" .
10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it'sthe remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other"Uncles and Aunties" will think.
14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is forspecial occasions, which never happen.
15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
16. You use grocery bagsto hold garbage.
17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls andplastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (andtravel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cookeror a pressure cooker.
21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
23. You don't use measuring cupswhen cooking.
24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train orplane.
26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud tospread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
27. Your wedding gifts are mostly in cash with a one rupee coin added to the note in a cover.
28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle orAunty.
30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes,you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreigncountries have improved in the last two decades, and still screamat thetop of their lungs when making foreign calls.
32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them fromgetting dirty.
33. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
34. All your Tupperware is stained with food colour.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
Labels: joke
Love Vs Marriage
Please read this carefully. And enjoy, But do not laugh until you completed the below conversation.Love:
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After marriage - - - Simply read from bottom to top
Labels: joke
FEW DEFINITIONS ABOUT LIFE
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that youcan die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
Labels: joke
Find me if you can
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 20th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an
uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 20 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
Rajiv answers, "Don't worry darling they'll find us!!!!"
Labels: joke
birth control!
Husband makes a Call to Hospital to enquire about his pregnant wife.*But accidently the call went to a cricket stadium having Test Match *
He asked what is the condition.
*He died after what he heard. *
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Guess What would be the reply ....
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It is ... ...................
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7 ARE ALREADY OUT
3 MORE WILL BE OUT HOPEFULLY BY LUNCH
AND.......................
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THE FIRST ONE WAS DUCK!!!!!!!
Labels: joke
The end of the world
Hi Everybody.............NASA predicts Worldwide Holiday on Feb 1, 2019 as the world is scheduled to end...
the second photo is terrible ....
scroll down to see the Result of the Collision ...
Don't miss the third photo of how the world could be saved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yenna Rascala !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mind it
So......................Don't worry..
Be happy....
Labels: joke, rajinikanth
funny take on the Sydneygate
After watching the test match, someone has written some rules have to be incorporated by ICC to give the other teams a perfect clarification(1) Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE .
(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
(3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.
(6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.
(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.
(8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE : If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - "THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET" more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET .
These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA .
Labels: joke
Shayari ++
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke I don't like your face.Par dil ke storage mein no more disk space...
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Ghar se jab tum nikale pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka ho gaya server down...
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Jabse meri zindagi mein, aayi hai ik female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh kya mailbox, kya e-mail...
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Dil se ek ishq ki application create kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se debug karna mein wait kar raha hoon...
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Kal jab mile thhe to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain your file not found!
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Jo muddat se hota aaya hai, woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...
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Shayad mere pyar ko taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya ke paste karna bhool gaye...
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Laakhon honge nigaah mein kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe kabhi to double-click karo...
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Roz subha hum karte hain pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...
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Nazar mein to kai hain aur shaayad lonely hain...
Problem yehi hai ki voh ab read only hain...
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Tumhaare intezaar mein neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera connection time out ho gaya...
Labels: joke
Just one thing to make you happy...
To make a woman happy .....A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion !
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not str! ess her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of spac! e, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT :
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
AND
To make a man happy .....
A woman only needs to :
1. Leave him alone
Labels: joke
SMS2.0 launched by AIRTEL
http://www.techtree.com/India/News/Airtel_becomes_First_to_Offer_SMS20/551-85568-613.html
http://www.artlebedev.com/everything/optimus-tactus/This is bad :-P
LalooOne day Laloo was traveling by his car.
He was going to a village for campaigning. Suddenly a piglet came before
the car. The driver couldn't hit the brake at the right time and
unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident.
At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset. He called the
driver and said,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon.
Usko dhundke lao".
At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots
of money in his hands!!!
Laloo was surprised. He asked,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye,
aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! Baat kya hai?
At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident. Hearing it
they were rejoiced, put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time
and gave this money."
Laloo then asked him "Aap unko eg-jectly kaa bola?"
The driver replied:
"Main bola, mein Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon,
maine suaar ke bachhe ko mar dala hai......... ."
Divorce: Indian Style
After 48 years of marriage, an elderly man in Bombay calls his son in New
York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that
your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Bombay immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says,
"It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own
airfare!!"
Labels: joke
