Punjabi Jokes
The author did forget to mention Punjabis' rhyming capabilities. So what?they dont mind - shind. They all have very big - wig hearts.
Hear them say...
A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to adjust whenever they want
to push you around.
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum, it is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. ...
"Dfence Cloney".
E is for Expanditure. Punjabis are never shy of spending money ??the latest
cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually
just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).
G is for Guddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his guddi puts any F1
driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way
Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder.)
H is for Ho Jayega Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful
because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jindagi, and if there's one person who knows how to live life to
the fullest it's a Punjabi.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g."Keeping up with the Khuranas")
L is for Lovely, but unfortunately she almost never is.
M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love
with.
N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger
(OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Panch Minit, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km)a
Punjabi is from you, he always says he'll reach you in panch minit.
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the
odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in
Delhi.
T is for the official bird of Punjab: Tandoori chicken.
U is for when a Punjabi loses his sex appeal and becomes "Uncle-ji"
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in "Whan are you coming, ji?"
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi
conversations.
Y is for "You nonsense", when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting
match.
Z is for Zigzag. (Please refer to G, M and P)
Labels: joke
Hell in India
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "As mentioned in the manual - First they put you in an electric chair for a n hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." …….. The man really got scared so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more UK , Australia , Japan , China etc., He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He was told, "As mentioned in the manual - First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!
Labels: joke
Right brain Vs Left brain
The Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?Smart Talk?
OFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Labels: joke
more Rs1 jocks
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditionalmanner
She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:
"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and
family", she said
"Firstly, With my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by
my being here. I mean that
I donot want you all to change your way of life, your routine."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.
What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!
This is called bride from 21st Century!!!!
****************************************************************************
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues
for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing ."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes
Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs. 10
every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's
very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also
went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my
expense .
Labels: joke
Golden rules of Murphology :D
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
Labels: joke
Ramankutty Nair
A middle aged Indian immigrant in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche.He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.
"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.
But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 mph to escape being stopped.
Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? "I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.
The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.
"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving "If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go.
"The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife, who is from Kerala ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back.
"The Policeman said, "Have a nice day, sir"
Labels: joke
GEt youR SpeCs & rEAd oN
Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if
you can raed tihs psas it on !!
Psas Ti ON !
Labels: general
VIRUS:TROJAN:ALERT!!
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to your friends. If you do not send, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Labels: joke
Story of Jignesh........
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to theclass of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me
who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.Patrick." The teacher
said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct.
?Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and
I?ll give you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she said, "You know Jignesh,since you're Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Jignesh replied, ?Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business
is business!"
Labels: joke
